By Ryan L. Munro

One evening, as I lay wide awake in bed, my mind wandering to one of my client’s ongoing divorce cases, I slipped quietly downstairs, careful not to wake my family. I decided to let Netflix distract me, settling on a childhood favorite I could half-watch while trying to sleep — Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome.

As Tina Turner entered and uttered her famous lines, it struck me: for many of my divorce clients, the courtroom feels a lot like the Thunderdome—an arena where only one person emerges victorious, and the other loses everything.

The “Winner vs. Loser” Myth in Divorce Court

Pop culture doesn’t help. From Kramer vs. Kramer to War of the Roses and Marriage Story, countless movies and shows on the topic of divorce have fed us the idea that family court is a battle for total victory. Many people enter the divorce process expecting the judge to name one spouse “the winner” and the other “the loser.”   This mentality isn’t new—it probably goes back to the very first couple who decided their marriage wasn’t working for them. But with social media algorithms leading the charge, this myth has only increased the amount of clients expecting a no-holds-barred legal fight.

When Aggressive Litigation Is (and Isn’t) Necessary

Some divorce cases do require an assertive approach—especially when there are serious safety, custody, or asset concerns. But in my experience as a family law attorney, these situations are far less common than people think.

Most of the time, the drive toward all-out litigation comes from three main factors:

• Unrealistic client expectations of what they believe they’re entitled to (typically caused by the drumbeat of friends and bad information from search engines and nefarious actors on the internet with no stake in providing poor information);
• Unrealistic expectations from the other spouse about what they believe they deserve; and

• Attorneys on both sides failing to set clear, realistic expectations early in the case.

The Best Divorce Attorneys Are “Agents of Reality”

When I was a young lawyer, one of my mentors gave me advice I’ve never forgotten: 

“Be an agent of reality for our clients.”

That means telling clients what they need to hear—not just what they want to hear. It means explaining how divorce law actually works in their jurisdiction, what judges realistically order in cases like theirs, and why winning everything is almost never possible.

It also means helping clients see the cost—financial, emotional, and relational—of turning their divorce into a courtroom brawl when negotiation or mediation might accomplish the same (or better) results.

Why This Matters for Your Divorce

If you walk into divorce court expecting a Hollywood showdown, you risk disappointment, higher legal fees, and unnecessary stress. By entering the process with clear expectations, you give yourself a better chance of:

• Reaching a fair settlement.
• Avoiding prolonged conflict.
• Preserving your emotional energy for life after divorce.

Bottom line: Divorce court is not the Thunderdome where two enter and only one person comes out.  It’s not about beating the other side—it’s about reaching a resolution that lets you move forward. A good divorce lawyer won’t just fight for you—they’ll also ground you in reality, so you can make smart, strategic decisions.